Self-Knowledge

As my heart opens I find a tandem opening of my ears and eyes to my students and my own life. The more I open I realize I continue learning about life, others and myself. The highest path for yoga practice is to know oneself, so I hear and read from teachers and books. But what does this mean? Don't we spend each day with ourselves? Along this journey I have formed certain preferences to food, clothing, music, etc. Yet it seems these preferences can often be fleeting; I can be fickle. So I continue to search for what is steady....timeless...constant. I crave this grounding, so I know it must exist, right? The answers to all of life's questions are simple and very close to consciousness, right? Yes.

I have a student whom I will call Lisa. Lisa is a healthy, petite, sweet lady. She is a school teacher at a grade school. She eats well, practices yoga, participates in her community, and enjoys much balance in her life. Until recently when Lisa experienced the nightmare of sciatic pain. I have not experienced this pain myself, but I hear it is similar to the pain of needing a root canal. I have also heard the phrase, "Worse than labor pains," attributed to sciatic nerve pain. I should also point out that Lisa experienced this pain while doing a day to day task - not on her yoga mat. Lisa was bumming. After some time away she returns to yoga practice and brings with her an amazing attitude and perspective on injury.

Lisa wants to keep moving and stay healthy. The doctors are offering her a surgery to fuse her sacroiliac joint to her sacrum, and she is questioning the option of surgery every step of the way. Lisa comes to her mat. She uses a chair and blocks and she makes it through the hour paying close attention to her body's response to yoga poses. Honoring herself every step of the way. She works with her physical therapist and cross checks all information between her PT, her physician and myself. She gathers data from other surgery survivors of this kind. Her husband joins her at appointments to continue his study of her condition and her options.

Lisa has a choice. As we all have a choice. Simply because we are injured does not mean we are weak. Lisa's choice to educate herself and to move through fear and continue healing her body from within in an appropriate, skillful way prove that she is strong. The moments when things are darkest are always our moments to choose to see the light more brightly - to see more clearly what we truly want. As we choose light we find we often emerge even stronger than before the dark moment. How can this be true? Because when we are offered the deep work that comes with challenge, and we choose to use it as a chance to know ourselves more intimately, we become fully uplifted by the current of grace that is always supporting our lives. We see that while our lives have the ability to be challenging there is equal amount of capacity to rise to meet the challenge. We find there is support for our process of seeking self-knowledge. Even if it isn't what doctors recommend and even if it takes longer than surgery recovery. There is still support for our journey inward.

I can speak on the other side of Lisa's story. When I hurt my sacroiliac joint two years ago it was so painful and embarrassing I thought I would never practice yoga again, never mind teach yoga. The more pushing and forcing I did with myself - the more elusive healing became. When creating space for my injury (even loving myself in this region of my body), and as I continue to allow myself space - I become more aware of the mechanics of this part of my body. Further I realize the interconnection of this part of my body to other parts. Lastly I become a better teacher, because of this awareness. I can relate to students better. Not just students with SI issues, but students with any injury. And students who practice without injury -I can help them find their way more easily, so they can avoid injury.

While we would never wish for injury or darkness in any form - we must admit - sometimes darkness is the path. When the path is dark we always have the choice of how we will respond. In your deepest rut, your most frustrating moment - can you try to see the choices you still have? It is deep work, but as you endeavor capacity grows.

As we collect this wisdom in our minds, may we find the strength and courage to use this in our lives. I believe knowing oneself is to find unity in the wide spectrum of experience and life. The deeper our practice the more difference dissolves and unity remains. Unity is the constant. Unity is the steady pulse that is always present. On our yoga mat. In our relationships. In our body, mind and spirit. While our minds will always seek to divide, our hearts will always seek to unify. May we choose to live from our hearts and deepen our capacity for darkness. Namaste.