Fullness

I know my yoga is working. My yoga helps me be the best version of myself. The side of my person who I like when I look in the mirror, when I fall asleep and when i'm discoursing with others. Here is how I know...

Last Thursday, the night before my 33- hour yoga immersion weekend, I found a large area of our downstairs carpet wet. Almost an entire week later we determine the cause of our wet carpet (a burst pipe). This high level and long duration of ambiguity and frustration would normally drive me (or anyone) crazy. Not to mention the fact alone that our carpet and other parts of our finished basement are in ruins. Top this with the reality that we have never had an issue with water in our basement, nor did any previous owners for the last 30 years. Combine all of this with being a new mom, a teacher who helps people find their center, and you could say this is a recipe for a minor meltdown. Or just the opposite...

I thought..."Hmmm, I wonder what would happen if I practice the first principle (Open to Grace) instead of going straight to my pattern of practicing second principle (Muscle Energy)." While I had moments of beating myself up with inquisition: "How could this happen?" "We've done a horrible job protecting our investment?" "How could we be so irresponsible?" All of these would prove wasted energy, since it was a problem we never could have predicted. Thankfully, overall, I was able to mitigate these counterproductive thoughts and reactions. Instead by pausing and acknowledging my reality (first principle) I was able to move almost straight to acceptance. The flow of life offers me a basement of ruins, yet I get to choose how to respond.

The reactions of my former flagellating-self were not of interest. Keeping body, mind and emotions balancing were the call of my practice. Throughout the weekend I chose to affirm life by treating the people around me well and following my breath. Each time the negative storm of emotions rose I would counter with more breath, more first principle. "Open to your life - this is the offering - you get to choose," was my mantra. I'd remind myself that this was a wave and while I can't stop it I can choose to sink or go surfing. I am happy to report that I chose to surf.

The interesting thing about this situation is that for the last nine months I have been fantasizing about transforming our downstairs from a family room to a yoga space/play space for August. Since August began crawling my desire for this transformation has steadily grown. You could argue that where energy goes - energy flows. In this case that "flowing" took the literal form of water. I don't (and didn't) wish for the water and subsequent ruins to be the precursor to re-doing our downstairs, however, the circumstances have set in motion the very outcome I desire.

The truth is this is a less than desirable situation. Our downstairs is a wreck. We are still haggling with insurance adjusters, contractors, etc. This is where my second principle work enters (Muscle Energy). In this experience I have been able to identify the appropriate place for the principles - all because I see the ability of my choices to empower my dream into reality. Each step in this process guides us one step closer to creating an amazing space for yoga- play. It is all in the attitude and actions you apply to facing the reality. I am confident that if I choose to view this situation as a catalyst to a dream come true - then that is the result I will achieve.

It helps that I am aware of the cosmological concept called Anava Mala. Anusara yoga metaphysics identifies that the condition of being human entails three malas, or conditions (dust) that limit (veil) our ability to experience our nature, which is always supreme consciousness. As the pulse that creates life moves from pure consciousness into human form - limitations to experience the fullness of our nature become inherent to the human condition. Anava Mala arises when we feel that we are "less than, unworthy, inferior." Malas are the dust that cover up the truth that we are always pulsing with fullness - supreme consciousness. The truth is that we always have everything that we need to be content, happy and full. Just like the grass is always beneath the snow; although cleverly hidden from view. Our bodies have boundaries and limitations and consequently so do our minds. However our spirit (heart) is always boundless, full and complete. The body and mind cause us to forget, to limit our capacity to experience our boundless spirit. Yet our heart reminds us that we have everything we need to be satisfied - even happy or blissful.

The highest practice we can wish to achieve is to be able to step into the flow of grace with acceptance and wonder rather than negativity and fear. The flow is all of the chaos, fluctuations of our life, so even when Anava Mala arises - we can smile and know that the fullness is present - even as the dust settles on our heart and limits our ability to connect to supreme consciousness. Grace is the truth that there is support for our life - even with all the dust, the waves, the chaos - grace is the constant, which takes tangible form in our breath. This cloaking of our nature is supposed to happen, so that we can remember and be able to celebrate the next time we get a hit of the divine splendor that is at the core essence of our existence.

Evidence that there is support for our lives rang true to me when hearing this quote last weekend during the fluctuations of my life: "Any thought that your mind can create is never 100% true, so why not decide to align with the positive side of that thought?" Here are the sanskrit and English translation for the Anusara Invocation, which illustrate the highest path of our practice:

Anusara Invocaton:

Om Namah Shivaya Gurave

Saccidananda Murtaye

Nisprapancaya Shantaya

Niralambaya Tejase

Translation:

I offer myself to the Light, who is the True Teacher

within and without (the teacher of all teachers),

Who assumes the forms of

Reality, Consciousness and Bliss,

Who is never absent and is full of peace,

Independent in its existence,

It is the vital essence of illumination.

Self-Knowledge

As my heart opens I find a tandem opening of my ears and eyes to my students and my own life. The more I open I realize I continue learning about life, others and myself. The highest path for yoga practice is to know oneself, so I hear and read from teachers and books. But what does this mean? Don't we spend each day with ourselves? Along this journey I have formed certain preferences to food, clothing, music, etc. Yet it seems these preferences can often be fleeting; I can be fickle. So I continue to search for what is steady....timeless...constant. I crave this grounding, so I know it must exist, right? The answers to all of life's questions are simple and very close to consciousness, right? Yes.

I have a student whom I will call Lisa. Lisa is a healthy, petite, sweet lady. She is a school teacher at a grade school. She eats well, practices yoga, participates in her community, and enjoys much balance in her life. Until recently when Lisa experienced the nightmare of sciatic pain. I have not experienced this pain myself, but I hear it is similar to the pain of needing a root canal. I have also heard the phrase, "Worse than labor pains," attributed to sciatic nerve pain. I should also point out that Lisa experienced this pain while doing a day to day task - not on her yoga mat. Lisa was bumming. After some time away she returns to yoga practice and brings with her an amazing attitude and perspective on injury.

Lisa wants to keep moving and stay healthy. The doctors are offering her a surgery to fuse her sacroiliac joint to her sacrum, and she is questioning the option of surgery every step of the way. Lisa comes to her mat. She uses a chair and blocks and she makes it through the hour paying close attention to her body's response to yoga poses. Honoring herself every step of the way. She works with her physical therapist and cross checks all information between her PT, her physician and myself. She gathers data from other surgery survivors of this kind. Her husband joins her at appointments to continue his study of her condition and her options.

Lisa has a choice. As we all have a choice. Simply because we are injured does not mean we are weak. Lisa's choice to educate herself and to move through fear and continue healing her body from within in an appropriate, skillful way prove that she is strong. The moments when things are darkest are always our moments to choose to see the light more brightly - to see more clearly what we truly want. As we choose light we find we often emerge even stronger than before the dark moment. How can this be true? Because when we are offered the deep work that comes with challenge, and we choose to use it as a chance to know ourselves more intimately, we become fully uplifted by the current of grace that is always supporting our lives. We see that while our lives have the ability to be challenging there is equal amount of capacity to rise to meet the challenge. We find there is support for our process of seeking self-knowledge. Even if it isn't what doctors recommend and even if it takes longer than surgery recovery. There is still support for our journey inward.

I can speak on the other side of Lisa's story. When I hurt my sacroiliac joint two years ago it was so painful and embarrassing I thought I would never practice yoga again, never mind teach yoga. The more pushing and forcing I did with myself - the more elusive healing became. When creating space for my injury (even loving myself in this region of my body), and as I continue to allow myself space - I become more aware of the mechanics of this part of my body. Further I realize the interconnection of this part of my body to other parts. Lastly I become a better teacher, because of this awareness. I can relate to students better. Not just students with SI issues, but students with any injury. And students who practice without injury -I can help them find their way more easily, so they can avoid injury.

While we would never wish for injury or darkness in any form - we must admit - sometimes darkness is the path. When the path is dark we always have the choice of how we will respond. In your deepest rut, your most frustrating moment - can you try to see the choices you still have? It is deep work, but as you endeavor capacity grows.

As we collect this wisdom in our minds, may we find the strength and courage to use this in our lives. I believe knowing oneself is to find unity in the wide spectrum of experience and life. The deeper our practice the more difference dissolves and unity remains. Unity is the constant. Unity is the steady pulse that is always present. On our yoga mat. In our relationships. In our body, mind and spirit. While our minds will always seek to divide, our hearts will always seek to unify. May we choose to live from our hearts and deepen our capacity for darkness. Namaste.

Co-Participation

I am in love with yoga, because yoga helps me fall in love with myself and my life every day. My first attraction to yoga is indescribable; I can't recall the precise moment. But yoga remains my siren singing me to sea. And I can't help but hear and appreciate the song every day. I believe we are all born with an understanding of what we are. What it means to be human - to have a journey that is unique, special, one of a kind. But to also have our breath, which ultimately chooses and governs us and links us to the greater whole. When we accept this love affair between our individual self and our Universal self we find the space of shanti (peace) and ananda (bliss). The practice of yoga is listening to the siren's call (the Universal), and realizing that she is guiding us home.


Yoga reminds us that we are both individual and Universal. Our lives are real - with all their joy, pain and the wide spectrum of experience in between. Yet there is also a part of each of us which we do not control. Consider that if you hold your breath - inevitably you will pass out and respiration resumes. You can't control this, as much as you may try. As a result, each time we roll out our mat it is important to consider the following. Since birth each living creature has countless life experiences, which overtime shape that creature's response to stimuli and situations. The creature's response to the twists and turns of life create a physical, mental and emotional imprint or conditioning. This conditioning causes the being to exhibit certain responses to situations. The sanskrit word for this conditioning is samskara. Samskara means: sams (complete or joined together) kara (action or doing). Here is a beautiful explanation of samskara from a yoga teacher and psychologist.

As a psychologist, I'm aware that the repetitive behavior students exhibit during yoga class originated long before they stepped onto the mat; the classroom is simply the arena in which we can witness our deeply ingrained habits in all their glory. According to yogic philosophy, we're born with a karmic inheritance of mental and emotional patterns—known as samskaras—through which we cycle over and over again during our lives.

In addition to being generalized patterns, samskaras are individual impressions, ideas, or actions; taken together, our samskaras make up our conditioning. Repeating samskaras reinforces them, creating a groove that is difficult to resist. Samskaras can be positive—imagine the selfless acts of Mother Theresa. They can also be negative, as in the self-lacerating mental patterns that underlie low self-esteem and self-destructive relationships. The negative samskaras are what hinder our positive evolution. ---End Quote---

When we experience pain in our physical, mental or emotional body- on some level - we are noticing samskara. We may not be fully cognizant of the origin of the pain (the pattern or traumatic event, cause of pain) - we can only describe it for the way it manifests in that moment. In example, "my groins have hurt for a very long time." We move forward and attempt to correct this pain and it lingers for days, weeks, months or years. We cannot heal until we are conscious of the pattern or event that has created the pain in the first place. Once we can be fully aware of the pattern then we must change that pattern in a skillful way. We must move from our individual samskara toward the Optimal Blueprint.

Answer to correct pain and remove the rut of samskara? Enter the Optimal Blueprint - a map of anatomical position. This map can be routed in your body via the Universal Principles of Alignment as codified by John Friend, founder of Anusara Yoga. Limb three of yoga is asana, which means connection. Therefore each yoga asana is an opportunity to more intimately understand the connection of all components of the physical body; the place where your individual self meets your Universal self. When you succeed in seeing yourself as you are with full acceptance, and you choose to shift in a positive, life-affirming way your experience is an indescribable, yet familiar feeling - you are home. This is the process of realizing and willingly releasing samskara.

When our bones are more optimally aligned our connective tissue relaxes. This sends a message to our brain that reads, "Fear not, all is well." Finally our emotional body is more tranquil as the former bodies are in a state of health and peace. The deeper we go with our practice the more second nature the Optimal Blueprint becomes. We can get there faster in each pose.....we learn how to chase the optimal in each practice. What follows is a more comfortable physical state, which allows our body to sit for longer meditation. When we can sit longer we penetrate the deep ripples of samskara that lodge themselves in the layers of our physical, mental and emotional bodies.

When we release samskara it is expected that students may weep, laugh or experience a wide spectrum of release, as the samskara rises to consciousness and then melts away. The more we release negative samskara the more intimately we know our Universal self, and the more reluctant we are to betray ourselves. Because we realize how perfect we are. How complete we are. Therein we love ourselves so fully that it is exactly like the love a mother feels for her child - this love is boundless. When we practice this co-participation we see ourselves so clearly for our amazing beauty and light that we become our own idol. We awake to the siren's song. We feel the tenderness of our muscles and the stiffness of our bones. We slide into a gentle twist, allow our ribs to open and we receive the Universal. We smile and enjoy our co-participation; our embodiment. It is the pain that teaches us to chase the alignment. When we realize we need both the pain and the pleasure we have mastery in some great way.

To the journey of going home and the subsequent hit of bliss.

I get hits of this every once in a while, so I know it is true. Do you?

We have so much power and talent that we can use yoga and meditation to trace the pain of our past, let it go and move into our future with lightness and freedom. We must begin with a commitment to become a student of our individual as well as our Universal body. We approach each practice with an intention to find the meeting ground for the two sides of this coin. Therein we harness all wisdom, we unveil. We become acquainted with what is ours to control and shape and what can be released. Herein lies peace.