Accountability
There are many paths. Realizing that there are many paths and weeding out the ones that don't work has been the last 33 years for me. Now I am ready to move forward on the path that best honors my inner wisdom. Svadarma is the sanskrit word that describes the yoking of ones' spiritual and worldly purpose. It would be nice if there was one formula we could all follow to elimate the trial and error and skip down the best path. Maybe this formula exists. If it does - I haven't found it yet. I have however cultivated an inner wisdom that feels like a trust-worthy guide through life. Sometimes I feel this guide vibrate favorably and strongly in the presence of others - if even - through the medium of their written words.
An article post about Chaturanga offers a sense of community on my path. The article, which Desiree Rumbaugh shares on her facebook page, states that the bio-mechanics of chaturanga should include elbows digging in toward the ribcage to be well-balanced. In the teachings I have most respected and found helpful, in my yoga practice, this que of elbows digging in seems contrary to my collective wisdom. At least it seems short-sighted to me. I write a public comment asking Desiree if she agrees with this point. She says she isn't endorsing the article in totality, nor is she most relating to the portion about elbows hugging ribs. She is rather glad to see an article pointing out that chaturanga is often mis aligned in students' bodies. Moreover, I sense she appreciates the communion over the questions the article provokes. Over coming days I notice many responding to Desiree's post with variant comments. Some commentators offering their bio-mechanical tips and others offering their critique of the article and the tips of others. What is most obvious is that people care abhow they and others are aligning their bodies in chaturanga. To discuss the nuance of posturing is valuable to others. It is also apparent that there isn't just one formula that works for everyone. Lastly, I am amazed how many really nerdy- cool yoga people there are who can describe helpful yoga alignment with thoughtfulness and clarity. I feel connected to this care and collaboration over bio-mechanics of yoga postures.
It is this last part - the yoga nerds - that really inspire me, because I realize I have found my place. I've found a path that feels good to me, which turns out, I share with others. After many years of not knowing where I belong and not feeling like I fully fit in anywhere - I feel at home. I read the care and precision these yoga aficianados take to write thoughtful tips and I feel peaceful. I feel kinship and community, which gives me courage to continue on my path. I realize my path isn't well tread around many places I frequent in my daily life (my own family, my neighborhood, the news I read and the people I watch in public). Often I feel like a trailblazer, which somettimes leaves me weary and doubtful. But when I plug in to my community and read that others have the same questions and even attempt to asnwer the big questions, like myself. I feel rejuvenated to continue on my path.
Looking into your eyes I see when something true is reflected back to me in the words and ideas we exchange. I see recognition that something feels right or wrong. Without you I am susceptible to doubt. I can be strong and convicted in my own inner truth, but I need you to reassure me or open me up to a new angle sometimes. I wish there was a formula for each of us. Maybe there is - maybe we have to stay strong to continue the search. I know I can't give up. I know what helps me feel strong. I know I am vulnerable to doubt and need reassurance. Today it feels good to find a home. I pray to find respectful ways to coexist, be accountable and hold others accountable.
As yogis we are accountable to ourselves - to listen to the truth unfolding in our thoughts and hearts. May we be accountable to one another to speak up when something doesn't feel right, or to celebrate the connections and wins when they happen. It seems like a good theme for our greater culture and those who've suffered when others haven't been accountable for their actions.
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